70 - How to Enjoy Being Single at Christmas

November 21, 2023

On this week's episode, Katie and I are chatting about being single at Christmas time. We've found that this can be a tricky one so we're bringing you our tips on how to enjoy the festive period.

Last year we made a few festive podcasts so they're here if you want to listen back for more advice on how to deal with December and it's frivolities.

Ep 22 - Divorcemas (How do deal with divorce and Christmas Day)

Ep 20 - Confidence at Christmas with Katie Portman - Style Consultant

Ep 19 - Decluttering with Cath Hindle - The Xmas Special 🎄🎄🎄

Ep 17 - Danielle Barbereau - The Divorce Coach (Danielle covers support over Christmas towards the end of the episode)

Episode Transcript

Hannah 4 - Stereo Mix
Wed, Nov 01, 2023 11:38AM • 22:44
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
christmas, plans, feel, good, celebrate, year, kids, nice, important, lovely, love, holiday, making, family, house, pantone, bauble, katie, single, wreath
00:14
H: Hello and welcome to a festive happily ever after with me, Hannah. And Katie is here with me to

00:23
K: Hello. Happy Nearly Christmas everybody?

00:26
H: We we did christen it Divorcemas last year.

K: Happy nearly Divorcemas everybody.

H: This year officially big changes. I am now divorced.

K: Yes, very good. Congratulations.

H: Yeah. But now we're tackling the subject of how to enjoy Christmas as a single person. Is that the right title?

K: Yeah, how to.. How? Yeah.

H: Excellent. This is gonna be good guys. Strap in.

01:01
K: How to be single at Christmas and still enjoy Christmas. Not with the word Christmas twice.

01:07
H: I feel like the issue with it is it's making it sound like being single is shit.

K: I know. Yeah.

H: And I actually have learned that being single is not shit.

01:17
K: being single as not shit. There is a big common misconception about the fact that you have to be coupled up at Christmas.

H: Yes.

K: And it's actually going to be okay.

H: And we're here to tell you why.

01:31
H: Are we?

K: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,

H: Great, I hope you’ve got some good tips. But yeah, it’s that whole, like, we're all going to be wrapping presents watching Love Actually. The Holiday?

01:47
K: Yeah. And like you need somebody on the other side of the bed to keep you warm over the festive season. But actually, I've got a cat. So

H: So you have got someone.

K: Yeah, that's true.

H: And I've got two kids. They are also somebodies

K: They are somebodies.

H: Yeah. So we're not single?

K: Well, we are but

02:06
H: In the unmarried and uncoupled up sense.

K: Yeah.

H: But yeah, like the holiday, for example. It's literally about two women who were very sad and alone. Notice that the people that they get with, it's not so much about them being… Although it is, they're sad and alone, too. They both had the hearts broken in different ways.

K: Yeah.

H: But it does feel it's more about the women. Yeah. Being in shit situations. And then they get into a good situation when they go on holiday and fall in love.

02:37
K: I mean, it is a good film.

H: is it?

K: Yeah. I like it. But also, I feel equally happy about watching that alone.

02:48
H: Yeah, I don't.

K: Okay.

H: But maybe it's because I'm just not that keen on it.

K: Yeah could be.

H: Bit controversial.

K: I know. Don’t @ her.

H: So what are your plans for Christmas? Katie and I are both currently single.

03:05
K: Yeah. So last year, I decided I was going to have my very first Christmas with just my partner and that I wasn't going to go and see any of my family and that we were just going to have Christmas in my house. The two of us and I wouldn't bother with anything else. And it was nice enough. But I do regret not having gone and seen my family on the day that you set aside every year to go into your family because then you have to do…

H: Christmas Day.

K: Christmas Day. Yeah. You have to do it some other time. Anyway, so I'm kind of pleased to be going back to see my family this year. It's my- I think my brother's gonna host Christmas dinner and it'll be him.

H: Yeah.

K: Which isn't the first time, he's done it a couple of times. So it'll be him and his wife, my grandparents who are 92 and 93. My dad and his partner Theresa. And me, Little old me. So I'm quite looking forward to that actually.

04:10
H: Yeah, that sounds nice.

K: Yeah.

H: I definitely yeah, that first year, when I was single. I didn't go see my family and I regretted it.

K: Yeah,
H: I did have a nice time. But there's something about being like, I'm just gonna go have a sleepover at my mum and dad's house.

K: Yeah.

H: And be around my family. Even if I'm in bed at nine.

K: Yeah.

H: It’s just having other people around me. We don't need to be talking.

K: Yeah,

H: In fact, I prefer if we didn’t

04:40
K: Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's even better if you're in bed by nine.

H: Yeah.

K: Yeah, I think it's important to be with family. Like if you're lucky enough to have that option, you know,

H: and don’t hate them.

K: And you don't hate them. Yeah. Then it's important to kind of like. Or to make a plan for what to do and for it not necessarily to be that you're alone on Christmas Day, you know?

H: Yeah.

K: Or, that would be my preference anyway, I know that people do have Christmas day alone and love it. I think it's down to personal preference as well.

05:17
H: Yeah, I think so. I was dating somebody last year. And I didn't have the kids in the morning. So I stayed at his house the night before and woke up there. We weren't even exclusive at the time.

K: Oh God

H: And we woke up on Christmas day at his house, but he actually hates Christmas.

K: Yeah.

H: So I don't think it was a big deal for him now, whereas I was like, this definitely mean something.

05:42
K: Yeah, yeah. I know. That's annoying.

05:46
H: Um, so yeah, he went through the motions of like, Yeah, I'm gonna go see my parents, but I can't wait to not be near them.

05:55
K: Yeah, yeah. Well, a lot of people feel that way about Christmas. And I think it is okay to just have it as just another day. But I think if you do think that there's importance in it as a holiday, then you should make sure that you've got plans, you know,

06:08
H: and if you have- I don't think you can underestimate anniversaries for making you feel different to what you think.

K: Yeah.

H: You think you could just treat it like another Saturday or Sunday?

K: Yeah

H: And be on your own.

K: Yeah.

H: But there's a chance, even if it's tiny, if there's a chance that you're going to feel melancholy. Make some fucking plans to be around people that you love.

K: Yeah. I think that's right.

H: Which I feel brings us nicely onto the fact that we need to know how to celebrate.

K: Yeah.

H: Like, there's so many things that I don't celebrate.

K: Yeah.

H: And I've decided it's bullshit, and we need to celebrate everything.

K: I agree. Yeah,

H: What are we doing straight after this Katie?

K: We’re gonna go for some puddings and celebrate

H: Yeah, we've just recorded four podcasts in a row. Quite quickly, we're very efficient.

K: We are, were really good.

H: We’re gonna go and mark the occasion with some like, little celebration.

07:01
K: Um, you know, I'm so down for that. Like, I've got a jar in my house, which is the corks from all the bottles of champagne I've ever had. And every time I look at that, I think that's a lot of reasons to celebrate right there. You know.

07:17
H: Can’t remember them all. But they must be something good.

K: No. I can’t. Yeah, exactly. I keep them all so that it's like that - You know, there's probably 20 or 30 in there, you know, which is - and every time I look at, I think that's a lot of reasons to celebrate right there. I've done a lot of celebrating and had a lot of achievements in my life.

07:37
H: Yes. Lovely. So I think making space to even if you're not that keen on Christmas, celebrate something else, but just do something special and nice.

K: Yeah.

H: So yeah, I think having something- great plans for the actual day, but also in the run up.

K: Yeah.

H: It’s quite, it's really nice. Like, I've got all sorts of things planned with different groups of friends. Like it doesn't all have to be one massive party it can be.

08:08
K: I actually think that the run up might even be harder than the day itself. Just because - you don't think so? I think because like, that's the snuggly time isn't it when you're in the lead up to Christmas and like everybody else is in with their partners, having mulled wine and mince pies and watching a Christmas film. You know? That's when you might feel sort of like, Oh, I'm just going back to my flat by myself now. And, but so that's why plans are important. Like I am naturally not somebody who would relish a load of plans and row. I'm gonna make an effort this December. Definitely.

08:51
H: So how many plans are we talking?

08:53
K: I mean, it'd be one a week might be nice. Which is a lot for me.

08:58
H: That is a lot. I've planned one thing for the whole month with my kids. That feels like enough.

K: Well, that's a good start.

H: But now that I messed up our holiday plans for the half term holiday, I am going to need to take them away as well to make up for that.

09:14
K: Not necessarily but you could. Definitely.

09:19
H: I do. It’s part of them being okay. Don't worry, I'll make up for it. Um, yeah, that run up. I don't know if it's maybe just I distract myself very, very well. I'm excellent distracter.

K: Yeah,

H: I don't notice that quite so much. Cause I'm like, you know, buy presents and..

09:40
K: Or maybe you've just got loads of plans anyway.

H: Yeah, I am plan oriented aren’t I.

K: Yeah. Well, you’re just always doing something. Whereas like, I wouldn't be doing anything but I think in December, it's going to be important for me to do something.

09:54
H: I think the key for me is making sure it's something special. Yeah. Like not just plan plan plan we're doing loads of stuff, but what are the things that I'm going to remember?

K: Yeah

H: so wreath making is a definite highlight. I did that with some friends so we've got that planned in. So I think doing something crafty and practical is a really lovely thing to do at Christmas.

K: And there’s all sorts of stuff around like that. That's the kind of stuff I love. I love stuff like that. A special Christmas workshop.

H: Would you do something like that with me?

K: Maybe.

H: Fucking hell Katie.

K: It’s really hard to get me to agree to anything, isn't it?

10:33
H: You love crafting.

K: No, I know. I do. Yeah, I do.

10:39
H: I do this lovely bauble making one at the biscuit factory with Cath from.. Decluttering Cath.

K: Yes.

H: And our friend Emily

10:48
K: That I would be a lot more into. The thing that puts me off about a wreath making workshop is you end up with a wreath at the end of it that I don’t want.

10:53
H: Would you not put on your bloody door?!

K: Nah

10:57
H: Why not?

K: Not into decorations really.

11:00
H: But that's part of the celebrating, Katie.

11:03
K: I know, maybe you’re right.

11:04
H: I think that would boost your self esteem.

11:06
K: Yeah, like I've never had a proper tree.

11:09
H: Maybe maybe we can do an experiment this year of like, trying to make more of it to see if it makes you feel good.

K: Yeah.

H: Obviously it doesn’t. Or you like what a waste of time.

K: Yeah

H: Don’t. But like making the house look nice. Getting some nice Christmas smells and putting a wreath on your door.

11:29
K: Yeah, I mean, I definitely think it's worth a go. Like I've always sort of thought. Never had a proper tree, because I've always sort of thought, well, you know, I don't have kids. So there's no..

11:39
H: If you had a partner would you do it?

11:42
K: Like, no, not really. Unless the partner was bothered, the partner has never been bothered. So maybe I need to do it for myself.

11:50
H: Yeah, I'd give it a try.

K: Yeah,

H: Might be a pile of shit and you hate it.

K: Yeah. Might be but it is worth a go. Yeah.

11:56
H: I do think there's something special because I remember the first year I didn't get a tree until right up until the last minute. And then when I finally got it, I was like, why did I not do this sooner.

K: Yeah.

H: It was really. It was just me in the house.

K: Yeah.

H: Like the kids are away. And then I got a tiny tree.

K: Yeah.

H: It’s literally like the size of this microphone

K: Yeah, that's what I would do.

H: with like a few like, my massive bauble that I made with Cath dangling off it like, precariously.

K: That’s okay.

H: I do think there is something nice and there's memories in these things. You can keep them

K: Yeah, true

H: And collect them.

12:35
K: That’s what yeah, that's what Christmas is about, isn't it? Getting all the old stuff out? And looking at it.

12:40
H: and you can make memories as a single person as well as a couple person.

K: Yeah, that's right.

H: Like those gorgeous ones that I bought from your shop?

K: Yeah, they're really nice.

H: So I got a flamingo and a narwhal made out of felt from this shop that Katie works in called Bellwoods in Whitley Bay. Not Christmasy in the slightest.

13:02
K: Some of them are. Some of them have Christmas hats on.

H: But the ones I've chosen aren’t.

K: Yeah, no, they're not. No. But like who says a narwhal isn't Christmassy anyway?

13:10
H: And to me, it's irrelevant. Like this is what I've enjoyed this year have been getting in the sea with me inflatable Flamingo boyfriend, Ryan Goslingo.

K: Yes, Ryan Goslingo.

H: They’re like perfect examples of- I was single. But these are lovely memories that I've made.

13:26
K: Yeah. And they're going to be with you forever. Them baubles

13:29
H: They’re being honoured at Christmas.

K: I like that.

H: And it's special and we're celebrating.

K: Yeah, it is.

H: I like that. Um, I've got a note here about leaning on healthy habits.

13:45
K: Yeah. So I guess it's more important at Christmas time than it is ever really like, because that's the time when you might feel a bit more down? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. But yeah, I'm definitely going to try and make sure that I keep up with my self care stuff.

14:05
H: Yeah, I think especially because like you've identified that it could be a time when you feel more sad. And especially for you because it's fresh, because last year…

K: Well exactly

H: Well I say it's fresh for you. Um, I was also dating somebody that I really liked.

K: Yeah,

H: This time last year. Spent Christmas morning with them.

14:23
K: Yeah, well, yeah. It's never easy, isn't it?

14:28
H: Like, oh, that was really nice and fun. And I'm not doing that this year. But that’s their loss.

K: Yeah, absolutely is and we can make our own nice Christmas.

14:40
H: Yeah. Yeah. So do you want to hang out with me for Christmas Katie?

14:46
K: You asked this just before we started recording and I gave you a resounding no.

H: I was like, fuck you then!

K: And I feel like now that's the wrong response. So yeah?

H: You don’t want to!

K: No not really. Okay.

H: Your loss.

K: it is my loss. Yeah, I'm gonna go see my family.

H: Yeah, I’ll let you go see your family.

K: Yeah, great.

H: But yeah, for a moment I was like ‘do you want to hang out’. And Katie was like ‘not really no’

15:11
K: I don’t. That’s terrible, isn't it? Not because of you because of Christmas.

15:21
H: It’s funny, isn't it?

K: Yeah. I just don't think I want to do anything that isn't just what I've always done now. Like, spent so many Christmases all over the place, like probably only got a few good years my grandparents left. Time to appreciate that.

15:37
H: It’d be more like, like, where are you going to sleep that night?

15:41
K: On Christmas night? I'll go home. So this is the other thing like my Dad has to come and get me and take me home as well because there's no public transport and I don't have a car. And that makes me feel like old Auntie Ethel that they have to go and get, you know, like, oh, go and get Katie then and we’ll take her home afterwards.

15:59
H: Let’s go and get poor Katie. Oh, where do they live? I might come and get you and then insist that we watch back to back Sex in the City and eat Chinese.

K: At my Christmas dinner? I don’t think they’ll like that.

H: No afterwards.

K: Okay yeah. Well.

16:13
H: Because I'll be with my family.

K: Yeah.

H: But need to take the kids to their dad. I'm assuming they’ll wake up with me this year.

16:19
K: Yeah. Yeah. And then you'll be free afterwards. That's quite nice.

16:25
H: I’ll go to my mum and dad's though.

K: Yeah, good.

H: I think I'd be very, I know now.

K: Yeah.

H: That me on my own is not a good recipe for happy Hannah.

16:35
K: Yeah. My family don't really drink that much. So we'll have Christmas dinner. And then we'll have like a little gap in the afternoon. And then we'll go to my grandma's. Like a buffet that she puts on there. Obviously, nobody ever eats.

H: Because you’re stuffed?

K: Yeah. And then that's normally finished around five or sixish, then we go home afterwards, but I think I probably will just go home and have a drink afterwards. Because by that point, I'm always like oh I want a glass of wine now.

17:03
H: Yeah. Maybe take some with you.

17:07
K: Well, I mean, I could. Like we've probably - I dunno, we might have one. But it's my dad isn't really big on it. And my grandparents don't drink so nobody really does. I know.

17:19
H: Opposite of most family.

17:20
K: Yeah. And so everybody else is having a lovely boozy Christmas and I'm like sat there hankering for a glass of wine the whole day but.

17:30
H: Well, I won't be drinking.

17:32
K: No, I know. Yes. Which is great.

17:35
H: No, no, it's not. No, no. I mean, I'm totally cool with it, it’s fine. I reckon I'll probably- this is what I did two years ago when I didn't have the kids in the afternoon. Got to my mum and dad had Sunday lunch, a Sunday? Christmas lunch, ate loads, and then spent about three hours doing a jigsaw.

K: Oh, nice.

H: So nice.

K: Yeah, I love that.

H: My granddad was trying to do it too. And I'm like,
K: Get off my drink sort of grandad. That's what Christmas is about!

18:05
H: Doing it from the side, and I’m like - I want to get all the little wins.

K: Yeah.

H: It’s the only time I do jigsaws. I actually really quite love them.

K: That’s what Christmas is about. We don't need anybody else to do that. Do we?

H: No they would definitely get in the way. I wouldn't be able to do it.

K: Yeah.

H: I wouldn’t be able to be like, I'm just gonna go sit in this room on my own for three hours. Do you guys have..

K: Very selfish about her jigsaws.

H: Oh, granddad go sit in the living room! I love him being there. It's lush.

K: Yes. Good.

H: Yeah. I think that's all I've got. I feel like we need more.

18:42
K: Well, I guess the takeaway from this is just make sure that you- like, if you're going to be single at Christmas. I suppose there's no predicting that yet really is there, you might meet the man of your dreams tomorrow. But the point is like, make sure that you're taking care of yourself and make sure that you've got nice plans and make sure that you're celebrating properly, if that's what you want to do.

19:00
H: If that's what you want to do. I think that's really important. If you are in a relationship too. Because many of our listeners will be married or happily married or unhappily married.

K: Yeah.

H: And making that space and time is equally as important. And having lovely things to look forward to

K: Yeah,

H: And not over planning.

K: Yeah.

H: That’s a big thing about Christmas. It's one fucking month

K: Yeah, that’s true.

H: how quickly does like all the other months go. Wvery time a month goes I'm like, oh my god is like October already. And now we?

19:35
K: Well it's like December finishes on the 25th Isn't it? Like it is actually a bit shorter than the other ones.

19:42
H: There’s that week after which like, nobody knows.

K: Yeah.

H: what it is and what it's for. But yeah.

19:49
K: previously coined inbetweenmas

19:50
H: Inbetweenmas. But just being mindful that we are but humans

K: Exactly.

H: And so are children.

K: Yeah,

H: So if you're planning, you know, lots of different outfits, outfits? Outings with kids, bear in mind that they need lots of space.

K: Yeah,

H: in that time, because it's crazy. And I'm basically like a child. So that's why I can tell you with authority, that’s what they need.

20:20
K: Yeah, but you can just do what the kids are doing. Like, it's the same rules for the rest of life. But at Christmas time.

20:25
H: Yeah. So I’ve planned one nice thing for us to do. And I feel like that's enough because they're still at school.

K: Yeah.

H: So they're at school, and then we're going we're doing one of those outdoor light trails, which is so awesome.

K: Yeah.

H: They are really lovely special things to do, but they cost an arm and a leg.

K: Yeah.

H: And then if you add on going to the Panto I'm like, it's an actual joke. I did look at going to the Panto and the cheapest tickets, for something I didn't really want to go see. Let's face it. They're a bit iffy.

K: Yeah.

H: I was like. Do you know what I don't want to spend 80 quid now going to see a panto and trying to squeeze it in at some point.

K: Yeah,

H: Because, obviously, when you're co parenting, you've only got them half the time.

21:06
K: Yeah. Well, yeah. And there's a lot of that a Christmas isn't there like? obligations, you know, just don't do this stuff you don't want to.

21:14
H: I would say pick one special thing.

K: Yeah.

H: And if you've got your children more than obviously plan more, but my kids are already going to the panto with school. I don't need to do that as well.

K: No.

H: And they also really like a bit of downtime.

K: Yeah.

H: As do I

21:35
K: They will just be interested in what Santa is bringing.

21:39
H: And hyper.

K: Yeah, exactly. And trying not to eat too much chocolate. Well, they won't be trying. You’ll be trying to get them not to eat too much chocolate.

21:47
H: Yeah, it’s a tricky one. When I’m stuffing it in my face.

K: Yeah. Good point yeah.

21:51
H: No you can’t. NOM NOM.

K: It’s another good tip for being single at Christmas. Eat some nice chocolate.

H: Yeah. But not too much

K: But not too much.

22:02
H: Celebrate. Okay, cool. I feel like we've talked.

22:07
K: Yeah. And also like, if anybody else has got any tips for being single at Christmas time, like, obviously me and Hannah are amateurs on this subject at the minute so.

22:16
H: How do I be alive? And not to have somebody else to worry about? It's a weird one. Isn't it.

K: It is yeah,

H: but no, it shouldn't be.

22:25
K: No, it shouldn't. We should be okay.

22:28
H: We’ll be fine. Oh, good. Well Happy Christmas.

22:32
K: Happy Christmas, everybody.

H: Bye

K: Bye now.

70 - How to Enjoy Being Single at Christmas

Get on the Waitlist!