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Hannah: Welcome to Happily Ever After the podcast where we talk about life's big stories from great sex to sexual trauma. Break-ups and breakdowns. Icky secrets and happy endings. It's the stuff that makes us human. And boy, do we cover it all. I'm your host, Hannah Harvey. I'm a writer and a parenting blogger at MumsDays.com. That's M.U.M.S.D.A.Y.S dot com. I would be very grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review because it means more people can find the podcast. And I also really, really, really love hearing from you, so please contact me through Instagram @Mumsdays with all your stories of life and any thoughts you might have on the episode or even questions you want answering. You can find all the details from this episode in the show notes.
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Hannah: Hello and welcome to Happily Ever After with me, Hannah, and I'm joined with Katie again.
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Katie: Hello.
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Hannah: So Katie is my pal who helps me produce the podcasts.
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Katie: That's it.
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Hannah: And every now and again, we have a little catch up.
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Katie: We do. Hi, everybody. It's me again.
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Hannah: It's you. So the last time we talked, I was resisting house hunting, and I'd been having love advice from my dad.
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Katie: Oh, yes. Um hum.
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Hannah: Uh, where I was like, Dad, it's all fine. Everything's working. Don't need to worry about it.
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Katie: Yeah, that's changed a bit since then.
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Hannah: Guess what? Exactly 48 hours after that podcast, I realised it wasn't okay and we were going to have to split up. Mahh. I mean, I wouldn't say I was like, Right, that's it. I'm dumping him here and now. It was like, Oh, there are a few things we need to talk about and we'll see what happens.
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Katie: Yeah
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Hannah: And what happened was we talked about them and then split up.
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Katie: Yeah, oh, I know. Sad. So how are you doing?
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Hannah: Uh. Well, I was really sad for a week, and then now I feel okay again.
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Katie: Good.
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Hannah: Because in other news, I decided. To start house hunting. So that's been exciting.
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Katie: Yes, that is exciting.
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Hannah: And I, I think I've worked out what I want now, and it's like previously I was probably just. Wondering, trying to go for something as small as possible and not necessarily going for what I would really, truly want. And now I've got a much better idea. So that's cool.
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Katie: That is good. Yeah. Because this is going to be your forever home, really, isn't it?
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Hannah: I mean, that's the idea, isn't it?
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Katie: So you want it to be right?.
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Hannah: I mean, I say that now, it might because what the realisation in relationship terms was that I would like somebody to be in my life. Yeah. And I think what I worked out. You know, post being with the art teacher, is that, what did I work out? It was along the lines of. There was an element of myself that I was ashamed of.
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Katie: Yeah.
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Hannah: And I was keeping it hidden and trying to pretend that it didn't exist. And I think it's because my reference point prior. You know, to being married and having kids was always that I was just a single person.
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Katie: Yeah.
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Hannah: And so I'd kind of reverted back to that and being like, Oh, I'm with this guy who doesn't want kids. Um. Half of the time, I will be that person.
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Katie: Mm hmm. Yeah. And I feel like maybe now you're ready to start your next chapter, and maybe that involves somebody being in your life, you know?
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Hannah: Yeah. Yeah, like if I really, truly thought about it. Um, I felt like I wasn't much of a catch. But now that I am this, like, you know, I'm in my 40s. I've got two kids. Uh. Yeah, it's not. You're not the same as you used to be, but there's so many wonderful things about my life that are all those things like being a mother and being in my 40s is actually not. A bad thing.
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Katie: No, of course it's not.
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Hannah: And I think I'd gone into it thinking it was a bad thing.
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Katie: Yeah, And now you're ready to share those parts of your life with somebody as well? Yeah. Mm hm.
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Hannah: So, yeah, the week after we broke up. I was physically exhausted, like going to bed at 8:00 at night when I didn't have the kids, like knackered. And I think what's actually been going on is my nervous system was starting to break down because I was going from, you know, being single person and having that single life to then being a mum and having all those things to deal with all on my own. And it's actually really stressful. Yeah.
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Katie: It's like putting two different masks on, isn't it? Like one way the parent and one way. You've got this single life with like a boyfriend where like that. And those two are completely different masks and changing between the two must have been really stressful. I can imagine that. Yeah.
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Hannah: And I don't think I realised. Yeah. Like it's only with hindsight that you can go, Oh my God, what a roller coaster. Yeah.
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Katie: That's true.
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Hannah: And I think in the end my body was starting to be like, you know, when I was talking about having panic attacks, I think it was all related to that because I didn't feel safe in the relationship because I knew he didn't want what I could offer and I was keeping that hidden.
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Katie: Yeah, well, even from yourself as well, you didn't even know that at the time, did you? So.
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Hannah: Like, it's so it was probably obvious to everybody even listening, like I've spoken to other people afterwards who've read my newsletter and listened to a podcast and they're like, Yeah, I kind of knew that that was coming. I don't know.
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Katie: It's all well and good for people to say that afterwards, isn't it? But like, I mean, you said to me, like, I am happy with the way this relationship is. Like I get the best of both worlds here. I get to have an amazing sort of like single life and go and do really nice things with him. And then I don't have to worry about him the rest of the time. And I took your word for that. You know, it sounds good, actually. And if and I'm all for believing, you know, like if you say that you're happy in something, then I'd like to think that you are. But like I do think so. You know, if people are saying that or they knew all along, I think they're just probably saying it. But yeah.
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Hannah: I don't know.
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Katie: No. You think people knew? Yeah, maybe not me. I didn't know.
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Hannah: I did not know. But I guess it's like, how long can you really keep up? Two very separate, different lives?
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Katie: Well, exactly. And that whole, like, having a mask on is having your guard up. You can't let your guard down if you pretending.
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Hannah: Yeah, exactly.
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Katie: You know. Yeah.
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Hannah: Mhm. Yeah. And. And I definitely don't regret any of it. We've had such a lovely time together and I had deep feelings for him and I didn't want to split up. But equally, there was an element of relief.
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Katie: Yeah.
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Hannah: And being like, Oh, I don't have to be. Just one bit of myself anymore. I can completely be all of the things and it's helped me realise that. Yeah. The next person I want to be with Will. No, exactly. Who I am and what I want because I'm clear on it now, like I am a woman in my 40s with children. If you want to be part of my life, you're going to have to accept all those bits. Yeah. You can't just have fun times, Hannah, anymore.
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Katie: Yeah. Yeah. Because, like, you know, you don't get fun times, Hannah, without having to have, like, all the rest of the bit of you. I think, like, the art teacher had a really good deal going there for a minute.
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Hannah: Did such a good time. Yeah, I'm.
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Katie: Sure you did.
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Hannah: But also, like, fun time. Hannah is with my kids as well.
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Katie: Of course. Yeah.
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Hannah: Like we have fun at the beach and we have fun doing different things. Like, it's not just.
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Katie: And the playful side of you. Like, that's where the playful side is, isn't it? You know? And I think that's probably a really big part of your personality that I think it would be nice for somebody to share with you as well.
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Hannah: Yes, I agree. So yeah, it's a really interesting one. I think, especially for like, you know, my whole blog and podcast and everything is about being a mum. And yet that bit of me just needed a bit of time to catch up. Yeah. Um, and I think it's because I'd had a couple of relationships after, you know, leaving my kids dad where I was like, Oh, I definitely don't want to be with somebody who wants to, you know, come and be a part of all of my life. But that's just because I didn't. I was still going through divorce, still working out what I wanted. Um. Yeah, like I wasn't fully ready.
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Katie: I guess that's the most precious part of your life as well, isn't it? You know, And maybe you weren't ready to share that with anybody else yet.
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Hannah: Yeah, I think that's what it is. So we'll see how it goes now. But, um, yes, considering what happens next, part of me was like, I'm going to be single for until I find my house and I will never.
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Katie: I'm sorry. I'm in a life straight away. Six months.
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Hannah: At least. Single and.
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Katie: Oh, well, that doesn't sound any fun, you know? But I know that you should have these periods of being single, really, shouldn't you?
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Hannah: I mean, that was the theory. But then Claire had said, Watch. Married at First Sight Australia. So obviously set on my own on Saturday night like Billy Nomates and I was like, Oh, I should say I did have an option to go out, but I was. I'm still tired. Yeah, I still feel like I'm.
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Katie: Recovering, watching, married at first sight. That's absolutely adequate activity.
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Hannah: Well, yeah, it's been so highly recommended and I was like, I better had within five minutes. Guess what I was doing?
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Katie: What?
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Hannah: Trying to see how to apply to be on the UK version.
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Katie: Yes, that makes sense. Of course you are. Um. Yeah.
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Hannah: So what do we think about this, Katie?
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Katie: I think that, you know, although I would really love to see you go and do Married at first sight, like that would be great. I think we would love it. It would be really fun. Then I think, like, reality TV shows are really brilliant and great and I love them and love trash telly, which I think it's okay to put that in the trash telly box. Um, but then the thing with this one is you have to marry them, then you have to deal with that afterwards, even after the reality show.
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Hannah: Well, see, I've checked this with Claire because I was, you know, I messaged her every day since the podcast, my new bestie. And I was like, Oh my God, I think I'm going to apply. And she's like, Do it. And I was like, But you know, are you actually married? And she's like, No, really, you're not actually married. And it's kind of a.
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Katie: Yeah, I feel like I've had the wool pulled over my eyes. Yeah. You know.
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Hannah: Really strictly married because it's an experiment. So it's an experiment to see what it'd be like if you were to be.
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Katie: But what about the wedding bit and everything? Do they not actually get married?
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Hannah: Apparently not. And if you want to see your vows at the end of the experiment, you can.
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Katie: I didn't know that. Okay. You should definitely go on it. Okay. So don't think you need.
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Hannah: To worry about that. And the other thing I was thinking about was like, oh, I assumed it was for young people, but actually some of these are older and they've all got some of them have got kids already.
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Katie: And I think there's probably something behind the science that they use. Like, you know, they spend quite a lot of time and money, I'm sure, on like researching people that would be good to be married to each other.
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Hannah: Well, yeah, that was the whole like first episodes is all about these two people that they're putting together and why they've matched them and why they suit each other and I was like, Oh, that'd be fun.
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Katie: It might be quite fun. It might be very public. But I mean. I mean.
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Hannah: Yes. That's a guaranteed outcome. Yeah, but I just thought in terms of experiments and I love a bit of just doing something and see what happens. Yeah. So I just.
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Katie: Thought, oh, how fun. It would be so fun.
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Hannah: But sadly, they are not accepting candidates at the moment.
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Katie: Okay, well, we'll start a petition then to get you to get me a show. Yeah. Watch this space, everybody.
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Hannah: My mum and dad would literally kill me.
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Katie: Yeah, I'd be fine.
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Hannah: Will you talk to them?
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Katie: Yeah. No, I'll take it back immediately. I don't think I can convince your parents that this is a good idea. I don't think I can convince myself that this is a good idea.
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Hannah: Oh, my dad's an academic.
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Katie: So that will make him understand. Yeah, I think he'd.
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Hannah: Be, like, for the for research purposes, could this work? And if you think about it, like I was speaking to a Sikh woman at a networking event this last week, she's so lovely. And we got chatting about, you know, why she ended up in the north east. She's from Derby. So we were like, Oh, Midlands girls having a chat about that. And she was like, Yeah, it was an arranged marriage.
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Katie: Yeah, I find that really fascinating.
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Hannah: And apparently she used a dating app like her and her family use a dating app to find the right person. So there is an element of like, you know, she had a say in it, but at the end of the day, she was coming to marry someone she barely knew and live with their family.
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Katie: I don't think that the way that we do marriage is any more valid than the way that people who have arranged marriages do marriage like I don't think there's any like you're not any more likely to like the person ten years down the line. Like we change too.
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Hannah: Much like can you go off just a spark is a spark enough or can you develop love and understanding over time?
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Katie: I also think there are people who are going to be good in marriages and people that aren't like I don't know whether it's anything necessarily to do with the two people together, like I think certain people. Can put up with a lot, which is what I think marriage is. Can I say that on your podcast about marriage?
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Hannah: Happily Ever After is about putting up the shit.
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Katie: A little bit. Yeah. You know, isn't that what marriage is? You know, compromise. And I think it.
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Hannah: Depends what the shit is.
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Katie: Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
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Hannah: Like, is it Because that's the whole thing with me and the art teacher is like, he had a side of him that I didn't really want in my life. And I had a side of me that he didn't want in his life. Yeah. So those two things are not something we were willing to compromise on. Yeah. Whereas if it's like you didn't put the bin out again.
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Katie: Yeah, Yeah, I know.
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Hannah: Yeah, that's just being a bit inconsiderate. Yeah. Whereas if I was like, I couldn't be with someone who doesn't put the bin out.
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Katie: Yeah. Maybe marriage isn't for you then. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's right.
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Hannah: Uh, and I. And it all comes down to how much you're willing to communicate. Like. Yeah, those are the things, aren't it? It's like what? I guess if we come back to what Claire was saying a few weeks ago, going through the ethics, it's like, what exactly is it that do you need? From the connection.
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Katie: Yeah, exactly.
00:16:31 - 00:16:44
Hannah: And it might be I need somebody like if you go like the five love languages, if ever you've done those minor physical touch. Quality time. And the other top one was words of affirmation.
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Katie: I can't remember what mine are, but it's the one where you get gifts. And that's nice to know. Yeah. And the one where they do chores for you, You know.
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Hannah: Service acts of.
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Katie: Service service. Yeah.
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Hannah: So those are like, it's helpful to know what those things are so that, you know, for me, like spending time with someone communicating means so much to me, which is probably why I love doing this with you so much. So I need to bring you a present and yeah, that would be great.
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Katie: Talk to me about.
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Hannah: What's going on.
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Katie: If you haven't done it yet. I really strongly recommend finding out what your love languages are, actually. So I love it.
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Hannah: I absolutely love I.
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Katie: Think everybody's done it. I think everybody's done it. But if you haven't, then we'll put.
00:17:25 - 00:17:50
Hannah: A link in the show notes and I wonder if it changes over time and if it depends on who you're with, because obviously I did mine when I was with my ex, like my kids dad. Yeah. And I wonder how much. Is actually what he needed versus what I needed. And I just like it became my love language because it was his. So it'd be interesting to retake it.
00:17:50 - 00:17:55
Katie: Well, I did it ages ago. I wonder if mine would be different. I bet they can change over time.
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Hannah: Because actually, like, I'm not really a hugger with my friends.
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Katie: Yeah.
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Hannah: So I wonder if physical touch actually isn't up there. Or maybe it's different with I think.
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Katie: It is different with romantic partners. Mhm. Because. Yeah, because I'm not a hooker, but I still need, like, a cuddle on a night. No, you know, like, I don't need a hug from my friends, but I do from my partner, you know?
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Hannah: You don't want to sing cuddling with me.
00:18:22 - 00:18:27
Katie: Well, you know, we can cuddle as well if you like. You know what I'm talking about is in a relationship. Yes.
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Hannah: Okay. Um, so I think that covers off that stuff. I'm trying to think.
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Katie: What are we talking about?
00:18:34 - 00:18:45
Hannah: I don't even know anymore. Love languages and what you want from relationships because.
00:18:45 - 00:18:46
Katie: Yeah, because we were talking about married at first.
00:18:47 - 00:18:55
Hannah: Yes, of course. So, yeah. Um. So since that's closed, I decided I'd have a little poke around on Hinge.
00:18:55 - 00:18:55
Katie: Great.
00:18:56 - 00:18:58
Hannah: Because I've never used that dating site.
00:18:58 - 00:18:59
Katie: Oh, really? New to hinge.
00:18:59 - 00:19:04
Hannah: New to hinge. It's quieter than Tinder, I think.
00:19:04 - 00:19:08
Katie: It is quieter than Tinder. It's nicer than Tinder, though.
00:19:08 - 00:19:11
Hannah: People are not immediately like, here's my WhatsApp.
00:19:11 - 00:19:13
Katie: Yeah, that's true. Yeah.
00:19:13 - 00:19:35
Hannah: But I also wonder if it's because I've completely changed what I'm looking for now. Because I think in the past I was like anybody and everyone from all ages and backgrounds and don't care if you want kids or not, you all me contact me. Whereas now I'm like, You don't be under 35. Um, I'm being specific about height.
00:19:36 - 00:19:38
Katie: Are you being specific about height?
00:19:38 - 00:19:41
Hannah: I am, because I'm a tall person.
00:19:42 - 00:19:44
Katie: Come on. But you.
00:19:44 - 00:19:48
Hannah: Allowed. I think you're allowed to, like, go for somebody that you fancy.
00:19:48 - 00:19:49
Katie: No, totally. Yeah.
00:19:49 - 00:19:52
Hannah: And part of that for me is a height thing.
00:19:53 - 00:20:10
Katie: Are you saying that you would never fancy somebody who is shorter than you? I'm willing to put this to the test when you go on marriage. Married at first sight. I'll make sure that they get somebody who's shorter than you. Please don't go. You're going to.
00:20:10 - 00:20:16
Hannah: Frighten and make sure. Thanks, Katie. No, I'll be like. They need to be kind of a giant. Okay.
00:20:17 - 00:20:28
Katie: Fine. But also, like, what happened to the thing about connection just now? About that being the important thing, not the physical attributes. Come on. I think you're honing in on the wrong thing here.
00:20:28 - 00:20:30
Hannah: Do you really think so?
00:20:30 - 00:20:37
Katie: Maybe not. I don't know, because people people have success stories when they're that specific, don't they?
00:20:39 - 00:20:48
Hannah: Oh, I just don't know. That's the problem with dating sites. Yeah, but you look at their height and go. No, no. Well, I know exactly.
00:20:48 - 00:21:01
Katie: Like you don't need to do that. Like, but the, the fun is you get to experiment with it now. So like have that you want a certain height in your mind for a couple of weeks, see if it works out. If it doesn't take somebody shorter, then you see what happens then.
00:21:03 - 00:21:05
Hannah: That's terrible isn't it? I feel really bad for saying that now.
00:21:05 - 00:21:08
Katie: No, I think there's nothing wrong with it. We're all vain. Don't worry.
00:21:10 - 00:21:24
Hannah: Okay, good. Yeah. Okay. So the other thing I've got into, as you well know now is I've started getting in to see.
00:21:24 - 00:21:27
Katie: Oh, yes, we've just been in the see everybody. I've just try.
00:21:27 - 00:21:32
Hannah: Katie in the see. So if you're wondering why we're like speaking like weirdos and a bit hyper.
00:21:32 - 00:21:36
Katie: I've just looked at myself on the video and it's not good.
00:21:38 - 00:21:42
Hannah: If you're wondering why Katie looks like this. She dipped her whole head in the sea. It did?
00:21:42 - 00:21:46
Katie: Yeah. It was good. It was. The waves really got me, didn't though?
00:21:48 - 00:22:06
Hannah: It was the funniest thing I've ever seen in a long time. Like, I've not laughed as much as that at all for weeks, watching you getting battered by waves. I'm like moving a bit further where I was. And you'll stop being like, having massive waves break over your head.
00:22:06 - 00:22:15
Katie: I'm not very good at these things. That's like the absolutely the kind of thing that would happen to me. And I didn't. I wouldn't understand it. And yeah, but.
00:22:15 - 00:22:15
Hannah: How do you feel.
00:22:15 - 00:22:17
Katie: Afterwards? I feel great having.
00:22:17 - 00:22:20
Hannah: Had your first. Well, I know you dipped before, but like.
00:22:21 - 00:22:44
Katie: Well, I haven't been in a while and the reason for that is because I don't really, I don't like the stones and I don't like stuff touching my feet and I'm funny about that. So when you said, Come in the sea, I was like, okay, I'll order some sea shoes. So they've come and they're bright pink and they say hot tuna on them and put them on. And I feel much better about going and seeing now. So yeah, I loved it. I loved it.
00:22:44 - 00:23:34
Hannah: It was really good, wasn't it? We weren't in for long, but long enough for me. I did have my feet off the floor and I was swimming. But yeah, my skin feels incredible now. And so this is my 10th day on the trot of doing it. It's good. I don't know why I'm doing it. Like, well, I kind of do like the first thing that I did it. I went along with them. There's a club here which started out as a sobriety group that go in the sea, and a few people, including yourself, have said You should do that. And I was like, No, fucking thanks. I don't want to go in the sea. But then I was like, I need some friends who are sober or I don't even know if it's that, but just some people that do stuff that isn't just drinking. Yeah, drinking, I guess.
00:23:34 - 00:23:35
Katie: Going out.
00:23:35 - 00:23:42
Hannah: Just doing something different. Like, how are you going to meet different types of people unless you mix it up a bit?
00:23:42 - 00:23:43
Katie: I agree.
00:23:44 - 00:23:52
Hannah: So I went along at 8:00 in the morning on a Saturday, didn't know anybody there. It was quite daunting and I didn't want to get in the sea.
00:23:52 - 00:23:55
Katie: Oh, I was like, Why am I doing this?
00:23:55 - 00:23:56
Hannah: But yeah, when you.
00:23:56 - 00:23:57
Katie: For going it.
00:23:57 - 00:24:29
Hannah: Was awesome. And then I met Lee at straight afterwards, you know, from the life she built, who will link to her episode because I've been chatting to her loads like post-divorce about stuff and she's great. She's always got good insights on this stuff. So I met her straight afterwards and I was like, Bloody hell, I feel amazing. Like as soon as I saw her, she was like, Whoa, you're bringing an energy with you? And I was like, Yeah, I've just been in the sea. It was incredible. So, you know, it was immediately I was like, I want to feel like that again.
00:24:29 - 00:24:39
Katie: Yeah, it does give you a certain buzz. Definitely. I think it must just be the adrenaline. Maybe we should look at the science behind it.
00:24:39 - 00:25:03
Hannah: Well, my friend on Instagram did look into this because she she'd said to me it's the same more dopamine than a line of coke. And it a line of coke will last ten minutes, whereas sea dips lasts 2.5 hours. And then she was like, don't quote me on that. And then she messaged again and was like, Actually, I've just checked. And there is a scientific paper to back it up.
00:25:03 - 00:25:07
Katie: Oh, well, there you go. So what is it? What, what, what brain chemical is that?
00:25:07 - 00:25:08
Hannah: I think it's dopamine.
00:25:08 - 00:25:08
Katie: Dopamine.
00:25:08 - 00:25:10
Hannah: Isn't that the more chemical.
00:25:10 - 00:25:12
Katie: That is, the more chemical. Yeah.
00:25:12 - 00:25:18
Hannah: So that's probably what's going on here. I've replaced the art teacher.
00:25:18 - 00:25:18
Katie: Yes.
00:25:19 - 00:25:32
Hannah: And the dopamine I was getting from him because it was a roller coaster. And I do think now I can look at it. I'm like, oh, going out with him was the equivalent of. Having a massive night out on drugs.
00:25:32 - 00:25:32
Katie: Yeah.
00:25:33 - 00:25:45
Hannah: Because then on Monday morning I'd be like, Oh, withdrawal felt quite sad. I would miss him. So that's what I think was going on there was using him as like pure escapism from everything.
00:25:45 - 00:25:47
Katie: And then the hangover afterwards. Yeah.
00:25:47 - 00:25:54
Hannah: So like that proper roller coaster. Whereas like. I. I just don't want that anymore.
00:25:54 - 00:25:55
Katie: I know.
00:25:55 - 00:26:06
Hannah: I really just want to feel much more level. And, um, if c dipping allows me to get off that roller coaster, that will be amazing. Yeah.
00:26:07 - 00:26:13
Katie: Yeah, there's definitely a healthy way of getting your dopamine fix going in the sea, you know, much better.
00:26:14 - 00:26:22
Hannah: And I did notice this weekend because often if I feel sad and low, I'll immediately be like. Well, we know about the bagels.
00:26:23 - 00:26:32
Katie: We do know about the bagels. What did I used to say? She. What was it? I remember I would go home and binge watch telly and smash a load of bagels. I would.
00:26:33 - 00:26:57
Hannah: And then I'd be like, what else can I eat and eat it up with ice cream? Like, it's the classic. Um, I mean, it's probably an eating disorder. Almost like a binge eating. Yeah. Yeah. You you starve yourself during the week and then binge eat at the weekend. And it's all to do with the sugar and the chemicals and the trying to make yourself feel better. And I did notice this weekend I didn't go into that as much.
00:26:57 - 00:27:07
Katie: Oh, interesting. Oh, I'm in a funny place with food at the minute. It'll be interesting to know if I feel like eating a million bagels tonight. You might not tonight.
00:27:07 - 00:27:17
Hannah: But maybe more if you do. Because obviously by the weekend I'd done it for a full week. Yeah, I was like, Oh, maybe it is helping me get that fix in a way that isn't.
00:27:19 - 00:27:23
Katie: So detrimental because you can get that from yoga and exercise and things as well.
00:27:24 - 00:27:28
Hannah: I certainly don't you know, I do yoga and exercise and.
00:27:28 - 00:27:29
Katie: You don't get.
00:27:29 - 00:27:41
Hannah: The. Well, I definitely feel better for it, but it doesn't impact. Like if I'm feeling sad and lonely at the weekend, whether I'm going to reach for smashing the bagels.
00:27:41 - 00:27:51
Katie: Oh, that's such a shame, because it's definitely my crutch. Oh, is it? Yeah. I feel like 100 times better when I've done some exercise or a yoga class.
00:27:51 - 00:28:08
Hannah: Well, I mean, I definitely do, but it doesn't stop me necessarily wanting to then go, I'm lonely, I'm going to eat ice cream. Yeah. Whereas this weekend, because I was going in the sea and feeling better for it, I didn't do as much. I was I was reaching for much healthier things.
00:28:08 - 00:28:09
Katie: That's good.
00:28:09 - 00:28:13
Hannah: So I'm going to keep doing it because. Why not?
00:28:14 - 00:28:16
Katie: I wonder what day you'll break.
00:28:17 - 00:28:36
Hannah: So I think that really motivates me is the idea of a chain. So that's probably this is how I stop drinking, really. I was like, I'm going to stop drinking and see how it goes. And then I got to a point where I was like, Oh, I've done 30 days. I don't want to break the chain. Five and a half years later.
00:28:36 - 00:28:48
Katie: That doesn't work for me. I really wish that worked. I was motivated by the chain. You keep hold of that. Keep going, you see? Need to keep going in the sea every day. Forever. Forever and forever and ever. Amen.
00:28:51 - 00:29:04
Hannah: Have we got. Oh, do you know the other thing that I noticed is one of the days after I'd been in the sea, I was staring out the window and I was like, There's nothing in my head. Mhm. And I was telling Claire obviously because I know all.
00:29:04 - 00:29:04
Katie: The time.
00:29:05 - 00:29:17
Hannah: And I was like, my head feels really weirdly empty like, and I normally feel quite overwhelmed. And she was like, oh, did you, did you give the overwhelm to the sea? And I was like, no.
00:29:18 - 00:29:19
Katie: But maybe you did.
00:29:19 - 00:29:22
Hannah: But she was like, Mother Nature knows. Mhm.
00:29:23 - 00:29:25
Katie: Oh I like that. Giving your overwhelm to the sea.
00:29:26 - 00:29:30
Hannah: But I always forget to consciously do it. But maybe you don't need to.
00:29:30 - 00:29:31
Katie: Yeah, maybe you don't need to.
00:29:31 - 00:29:36
Hannah: But I'm like, oh I love the thought of that. If you can give, just give your problems a sea.
00:29:37 - 00:29:44
Katie: It doesn't need any more really with all the global warming and things. But yeah.
00:29:44 - 00:29:45
Hannah: Although they take them anyway.
00:29:45 - 00:29:46
Katie: Okay. Yeah.
00:29:46 - 00:29:54
Hannah: The cleansing of the soul. I mean, you know, religions use water for many different reasons.
00:29:55 - 00:29:57
Katie: There is something magical about water.
00:29:57 - 00:30:04
Hannah: Definitely a big body of water. And you've got no control over what it's going to do. Beautiful. It is.
00:30:04 - 00:30:05
Katie: Puts things in perspective.
00:30:05 - 00:30:13
Hannah: Yeah, I think. I think that must be it. That just that feeling of getting in something so massive, just reminding yourself how insignificant you really are.
00:30:13 - 00:30:15
Katie: Exactly. I think it works.
00:30:16 - 00:30:17
Hannah: So why have you two really doesn't matter.
00:30:17 - 00:30:18
Katie: Just a little beard.
00:30:20 - 00:30:26
Hannah: Beard? Well, I feel like we're done.
00:30:26 - 00:30:29
Katie: I think we've covered everything. Is there anything.
00:30:29 - 00:30:31
Hannah: Else you want to talk about? No.
00:30:32 - 00:30:52
Katie: I can't. No, I just love sea swimming. Now I'm into that with you. Sea shoes are here. Please. To use them. Yeah. Yeah, it's all good. I'm feeling pleased that you are feeling in a better space with your romantic life and that you've made some decisions on where you're going to go with the house stuff as well. That's all good news.
00:30:52 - 00:31:07
Hannah: Yeah, I definitely feel much, much better this week. Good. It's interesting. So we'll have to report back and see if it's C related or psycho related or just. Because I'm still.
00:31:07 - 00:31:09
Katie: Processing. Yeah.
00:31:09 - 00:31:10
Hannah: Yeah, it could be that.
00:31:12 - 00:31:16
Katie: Well, have a lovely week. And thanks for the chit chat.
00:31:16 - 00:31:17
Hannah: Bye, everybody.
00:31:17 - 00:31:44
Katie: Bye. Thank you so much for listening. And I'll see you next time for another episode of Happily Ever After with me, Hannah Harvey. It would be wonderful if you could leave a review and subscribe. And of course, if you've got a friend who might enjoy this episode, then please do pass it on for anything else. You can get in touch with me through either Instagram at Mumsnet or through my website. Mums days.com.
